Cats of Ikoria

Cats: Winners of the Internet, Havers of Cheezburgers, and Champions of Cute Memes. Ikoria: Lair of Behemoths has wisely chosen to feature these fabulous felines as one of its creature types, along with dinosaurs and even flying sharks. In a set that’s filled with campiness, cats add that extra flavor of cuteness that many players crave in a Magic expansion.

However, not all cats are created equal. As a self-professed “Cat Connoisseur” with over three decades of experience, I have made it a personal matter to rate all cats according to my objective, highly-vetted method.

I’ll be using four metrics to score Ikoria’s cats on a scale of 1-5:

1. Cuddliness: Includes softness, pettability, and fluffiness. How pleasurable would it be to caress this cat, and how likely are they to let you scritch their chins?

2.  Maintenance: Owning a cat takes work: grooming, scooping litter, gently removing stuck paws from an ill-met scratching post. Also, vet bills!

3. Utility: Since humans first depended on cats to guard our grain silos, we’ve understood the human-cat relationship to be mutually beneficial. What benefits will this cat bring to your quality of life and your win-loss ratio?

4. Aesthetics: Just how cute is this cat, anyway? How pleasing is its form? How lovely are its paws? How envious will your opponent be when your cat hits the battlefield? These are the questions we must answer when evaluating each feline.

Honorable Mentions

Unfortunately, not all of the cats on Ikoria made it to the top. Garrison Cat has a human chasing after it, which is not something that most pet owners sign up for. Meanwhile, Maned Serval and Savai Sabertooth don’t boast any abilities worth noting, while Frost Lynx makes its sixth return to the game – hardly unique at all. While Ferocious Tigorilla and Frondland Felidar are technically cats, their features aren’t all that cat-like, so I’m excusing them as well. Best save the rankings for the best ten cattos, I say!

Huntmaster Liger

Cuddliness: 4
Maintenance: 3
Utility: 3
Aesthetics: 5

This sweet cat has a gorgeous, striped, fluffy coat, making it both pleasing to the eye and to the touch. It seems similar to its lion/tiger counterparts here on earth, which would make caring for and grooming this sweet catto a familiar chore if you can find a spare zookeeper. Its mass pump mutate effect is also a great addition to anyone’s clowder of cats.

Patagia Tiger

Cuddliness: 3
Maintenance: 2
Utility: 5
Aesthetics: 4

Like its non-winged brethren, this wonderful cat offers its human a physical (and emotional) boost when it enters your life. Despite its bat-like wings, this tiger still boasts a beautiful coat and very soft-looking belly, perfect for scritches. The Patagia Tiger is a pretty low-maintenance cat, since it’ll fly off to find its own food and perhaps bring you back a tasty corpse or two in tribute. Plus, YOU HAVE A FLYING CAT TO RIDE TO WORK, HOW SWEET IS THAT?!

Nethroi, Apex of Death

Cuddliness: 2
Maintenance: 5
Utility: 5
Aesthetics: 2

Any cat that is also a nightmare automatically receives a low Cuddliness and Aesthetics score. Multiple eyes that could get goopy? Several tails that are hard to comb? These cats are not going to be easy to care for, and even harder to see sometimes. With multiple legs, a long whip-like tongue and glowing green eyes, Nethroi will scare your socks off when it delivers an unexpected creature from the graveyard in the middle of the night.

Also, Nethroi is strictly better than Necropanther, which knocks the latter out of this ranking.

Regal Leosaur

Cuddliness: 2
Maintenance: 2
Utility: 4
Aesthetics: 3

While Regal Leosaur doesn’t have extra limbs, eyes, or anything that would frighten you in the dark, its many spikes make cuddling difficult if not downright painful. However, less fur means less maintenance, and it is fantastic for helping boost the morale and strength of your other pets.

Savai Thundermane

Cuddliness: 2
Maintenance: 3
Utility: 5
Aesthetics: 5

While Savai Thundermane has a gorgeous coat and a fiercely awesome synergy with cycling, cuddling a cat with literal lightning in its hair is going to be tough. And painful. Would not recommend it, even if you’re gaining life in the process.

Skycat Sovereign

Cuddliness: 4
Maintenance: 3
Utility: 5
Aesthetics: 5

This flying cat is beautiful, fluffy, and an absolute delight to behold either on your lap or in the sky. But the best thing about Skycat Sovereign is that it makes the best tokens in all of Magic: CAT BIRDS. Kittens with wings are cuddly, fun, and so, so sweet. However, this does make Skycat Sovereign more of a hassle to take care of, since they’ll definitely be creating a brood.

Snapdax, Apex of the Hunt

Cuddliness: 3
Maintenance: 3
Utility: 4
Aesthetics: 3

Snapdax may have razor-sharp claws and spikes, but there seems to be enough fur left on this cat to snuggle if you’re careful enough. You’ll also need to remove bits of fluff, stray socks, and torn bits of fabric from their coat. While this is a pain, Snapdax’s mutate ability will allow it to enrich your life (while depleting your enemy’s)!

Vadrok, Apex of Thunder

Cuddliness: 2
Maintenance: 4
Utility: 5
Aesthetics: 2

Although Vadrok is an extremely useful cat to have around the house, no amount of flying, first strike or resuscitating dead friends is going to make up for their leathery, spiked coat. You’ll probably need to order specialized kibble for this part-elemental cat, too.

Lurrus of the Dream-Den

Cuddliness: 2
Maintenance: 4
Utility: 5
Aesthetics: 4

Nightmare Cats automatically score low on the cuddliness metric, and Lurrus is no exception. Sure, you think those fluffy white clouds on its head and back are soft hair – but no! The smoke  betrays your questing fingers as you grasp nothing but hard spiky scales. Despite their frightening visage, Lurrus is an extremely industrious cat, bringing back enchantments and smaller friends from the grave just when you think they’re lost forever.

Also, Lurrus has a kitten! That definitely bumps the cuddliness level up to a 2.

Kaheera the Orphanguard

(First of Her Name, Protector of the Innocent, Mother of Kittens/Nightmares/Beasts, Enforcer of Naptimes, Best Cat Mom Ever)

Cuddliness: 5
Maintenance: 2
Utility: 4
Aesthetics: 5

We saved the best for last! Kaheera the Orphanguard takes the prize for Best Cat in Ikoria. Sure, she may not break a game of Magic as well as Lurrus, but she provides the kind of loving support only the best cat moms can give. An expert cuddler with very low-maintenance, Kaheera is the perfect cat companion for any household. Just be sure to make room for her kids!

Cat-clusion

I sincerely hope that this well-researched and objective ranking will help you decide which excellent cats from Ikoria to take home. But if you’re like me, you might be tempted to just adopt all the cats! That’s exactly what I’m doing in my new weekly stream: #CATQUEST! Catch me on Thursday evenings at 6:00pm Pacific, when I’ll be climbing the Magic Arena Mastery (cat) Tree and catching all of the wonderful new pets in Ikoria!