Come in, come in, make yourself at home – I’ll get Matkev, my thrull, to bring some tea and biscuits. And here he is now! You take two sugars, right? Hm, yes, you seem like a two sugars person. Ha, how decadent! I just need you to sign here, for verification. Here you go – do drink up, and let’s talk business.
Oh, introductions. I’m Luda Pelerine, Oligarch of the Orzhov. I’m overseeing this cute little company named – oh, what did they call it? Ah yes, Card Kingdom. Mm, yes, we did like the sound of the name, and we acquired the business for a steal. I mean, anyone would after the Gruul, Simic and Rakdos have had their way with a property! Haha, thank the Obzedat for cleaning thrulls!
Anyway, that’s neither here nor there – but knowing when to make your move, and how to do so profitably?
That’s the Orzhov way. The best way.
You’d like another biscuit? I’ll have Matkev bring up the chocolate ones, they’re divine. Oh, and there’s a refill on that cup for you.
Obviously, we can’t run a business without solid, reliable assets, clear structure and clever people. After all, we’re a solutions-oriented guild! Profits have tripled since we took over. We’ve already eliminated so much employee overhead cost by taking their flesh and making thrulls that don’t eat, sleep or need vision insurance! Matkev here doesn’t need benefits, do you? No, my pet, you don’t! Toddle off now!
Oh, I don’t drink tea, and I’ve never been much of a sweets person. Thanks for asking, though. Take another biscuit! Aren’t they delicious?
Now, you’re probably wondering why you’re here. See, we need to vet all personnel to assess their profit-cost ratio, and see where they should be placed in our reorganization. And you, you’ve been a puzzle until now. You have the promise of craftiness and ingenuity, but you’re also avaricious. I mean, you’ve had two biscuits, two chocolate-covered biscuits, and three cups of tea, each with two sugars. We like that kind of appetite. But my dear, you’ll need to pay for it.
Perhaps you can prove your worth by tweeting about your political wins in Magic using the hashtag #CKControl. Every time you do, I’ll knock off a week on this year-long work debt you owe me for afternoon tea. Oh, you thought this was complimentary? But you signed the contract, darling! See here, you did. Ah, ink’s still wet, too.
So remember dear, #CKControl. Perhaps you couldn’t use your wiles here, but show me how politically savvy you’ll be on the battlefield. I’m sure you’re much obliged.
Special thanks to Michelle Rapp for contributing this post!