An announcement from Nipsy Claw, Wishcoin Crab:
It is with great enthusiasm that I announce our Simic Ascendancy over Card Kingdom this week! After several months of Research // Development, we’ve made a list of practical ideas guaranteed to produce both expected and Unexpected Results.
First, all CK staff are getting crabs – Wishcoin Crabs, that is! Direct from the Simic Growth Chamber, we’ll be bringing several thousand crabs into the Card Kingdom fulfillment center. 2019 is the year of efficiency, and no one works faster than someone being chased by an army of pinch-hungry Wishcoin Crabs.
CK is known for fast delivery, but we can help the shipping department adapt to higher demands the Simic way. That’s why each person in shipping is going to receive one, two or three additional appendages (biomancer’s choice) to process your orders even faster.
All of this hard work won’t go unrewarded. We’re also sponsoring Voidslime happy hours after each shift. Every beverage will be free and mandatory so that our Simic Guildmage can distinguish the test groups from the control groups. We’ve got two mouthwatering flavors this week: Narcomoeba, and Narcomoeba (with hint of lemon)!
We’re also working on making Ravnica Allegiance singles available as soon as possible. Check CardKingdom.com this week and you might find some cards to graft into your Standard, Modern, and Commander decks.
Well, I’d better skitter off now. The first shipment of crabs is due here any second, and I’d hate for any of my siblings to get lost. Join us on Twitter this week and tell us how you’ve evolved as a player using the hashtag #CKEvolve.
The next time you pass by a fountain, wave hello – but don’t get too close!
Special thanks to Justin Bagnall of The Felidar Guardian staff for writing this piece!